Dumbledore's Arranged Marriages TM
by QueenofBookworms
Summary: HPDM, mentions of SBSS. "Let's get Harry and Draco married!" Dumbledore declared.
1. Chapter 1

At one o'clock in the morning, Severus Snape could usually be found doing one of two things: sleeping or stalking the hallways.

However, today was not one of those days.

Today he had been summoned to the Headmaster's office.

Naturally, he'd expected the Headmaster to be there.

Unfortunately, said Headmaster was not.

Naturally, Severus Snape was not happy.

And a not-happy-Snape was a very-dangerous-Snape.

As Sirius Black, who had also been summoned, had found out. Said Black was nursing a broken nose, as a direct result of remarking that Severus looked like a vampire, and then inquiring whom Severus had transformed recently. Severus was well aware he'd be punished for breaking that nose ... and was rather looking forward to that punishment.

At present, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Sirius Black and Minerva McGonagall were all present in the room.

Minus, of course, the dratted Headmaster.

"If he does not reach here," Severus snarled, rising to his feet, as his voice broke the angry silence, "Within the next five seconds, I am leaving."

"No need for that, my dear boy!" chirped said Headmaster, bouncing, yes _bouncing_, into the room, despite that it was, at present, ten minutes past one o'clock _in the morning_.

The group of teachers and carers sighed as one.

"How many lemon drops have you had, Albus?" Minerva grumbled.

"I'm not sure, but that's of no concern," sang Albus. "What is of concern is the most wonderful idea I've had!" He dropped into his seat, grin on face.

Naturally, the other four men, and woman, were worried. And upset. And still very much annoyed.

"What's this wonderful idea you've had?" groused Lucius, though, if you asked him, he'd tell you that he'd do no such plebeian thing. "And why could it not wait 'till morning?"

At this point, it must be noted that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were in much danger.

Harry, on top of the rather obvious danger he faced from a deranged mass murderer and his followers who were all desperate to kill him, had Cornelius Fudge, British Minister of Magic, wanting to adopt him. This was unpleasant. Fudge only wanted Harry for his popularity. (Surprisingly, Fudge disliked Harry.) And, well, Harry hated Fudge. One can see what would happen if Fudge were to adopt Harry.

(If one can't, one must understand that Harry, despite never having used the curse preciously, knew how to cast the Killing Curse, and was quite prepared to wield said curse on Fudge. Obviously, Britain losing its Minister of Magic in the midst of a Wizarding War would not be all that wonderful (not that they would throw Harry into Azkaban for killing Fudge).)

Draco was in danger from Voldemort. Lucius, Draco's father, had just swapped sides, from Voldemort to Dumbledore, not that many people knew this. Lucius, unfortunately, was unpleasantly aware that one day, he'd have to present his son to Voledmort, and let his son take the Dark Mark. Neither men wanted this. (Much of this had to do with the fact that both were horribly aware that Voldemort would happily take Draco as his bed toy.) Naturally, both wanted to avoid this fate for Draco.

And Dumbledore was aware of both boys' problems.

And he'd found a way to solve them.

He spelled this 'brilliant' plan out.

"Let's get Harry and Draco married!"

There was silence.

"To whom?" Minerva asked suspiciously, quenching the feminine girl inside her who jumped at the chance to see, and hopefully organise, a wedding. Preferably wedding_s_.

"Each other, of course!"

Silence once again reigned.

"What you mean to say," Sirius snarled, "is that the two biggest rivals of this school should get married, _to each other_?"

"Yep!"

Minerva fainted.

Severus, thanking his renowned ability to compose himself even in the worst of situations, very calmly, despite his inner shock, reached for the bottle of whiskey handily sitting on the table, and poured himself, Sirius and Lucius a rather full glass each.

After downing the glass in one large gulp, Sirius wiped his mouth, ignoring Lucius's glare, and turned his darkest glare (learnt from Severus and therefore extremely powerful) on the Headmaster.

"THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS!" Sirius yelled.

"Congratulations on the use of a word longer than two syllables," drawled Severus, unable to pass up the opportunity to tease the Animagus, who snarled at him. "But, for once, I agree. Black, in an once-in-a-lifetime moment of intelligence, has said something correct."

Sirius aimed a swat at Severus, but missed.

"It's not that bad, actually," mused Lucius. "It's quite a strong marriage. Fudge would never dare go against the Malfoy Family, which Potter would be a part of. On top of that, it's not a particularly shameful marriage, and the Dark Lord would never dream of touching my son if he was married to Potter."

"Yes, but they'd kill each other within five minutes of being married!" Minerva protested. "Maybe not even that!"

"I'm sure we can arrange for something in the contract."

"ALBUS!" Minerva snarled. "I will not let you force Harry to marry Malfoy!"

"Myself, or my son?" asked Lucius snidely. "Because I assure you, I am very much already married."

"Your son, you idiot!"

Lucius smiled, again. "As well as that, you have no say in this. You cannot stop this marriage. Only Potter's guardians can, or myself. I am quite happy to allow this marriage to proceed. Black?"

Dumbledore had removed Harry from the Dursley's care, when Harry had, once again, run away from the house. Dudley and Vernon had nearly raped him.

Sirius sighed. "Do I really have a choice?" Albus smiled. Sirius scowled.

"No," Lucius replied, almost cheerfully.

"Redundant question, you moron," Sirius growled. Lucius smiled. "I suppose so."

Even if he had never embraced pureblood traditions, Sirius had certainly learnt most, if not all, of them. He knew that, despite his misgivings, this marriage was certainly a strong marriage. If they could keep the two from killing each other for a year, until Harry turned seventeen (the legal age to marry was fifteen), and until Voldie-poo (as Harry had childishly started calling one of the mist feared wizards in history) was defeated, then everyone would benefit.

Of course, it was easier said than done.

But, he supposed, they'd find a way. The marriage did not _have_ to be consummated… And ... There was always divorce…

**A/N: Uh. Yeah. Review, please, and I'll put up the next chapter...**


	2. Chapter 2

Chap Two

Humming, Harry turned and snuggled into the warmth at his side. Someone laughed softly.

"Shuddup Drai."

"Nah." The warmth moved away. Scowling, Harry sat up, and glared at Draco.

"What's that look for?" Draco replied, moving back to the bed and kissing Harry.

"It's 'cause you left," pouted Harry, knowing perfectly well that he was behaving like a child, but not caring.

Laughing again, Draco tugged Harry out of the bed, and shoved him towards the bathroom. "We have half an hour. Hurry up."

"You?"

"After you." Draco's smile grew lecherous. "Or with you?"

Smirking, Harry tugged Draco along with him.

After one very long, very messy and very much fun shower, both boys, quite happily, bounced out of Draco's rooms, and into the Slytherin Common Room.

"Draco Malfoy! You took forever—POTTER?" yelped Blaise, staring at the now blushing Gryffindor, who was gripping Draco's hand.

"Er, we haven't told them that we're dating, have we?" Harry asked, turning to an amused Draco.

"No, I think I left out that fact last time I talked to Blaise," Draco remarked. "Actually, I think we only told Dumbledore."

"Oh. Oops. Guess they know now, then."

The Slytherins in the Common Room, which were most of them, stared at the new couple.

"Um, Drai?" Pansy stammered. At his nod, she continued, "You know your father and Potter's godfather are all here, don't you?"

"Sirius is here?!" demanded Harry, looking quite joyful. Pettigrew had been captured in Fifth Year, and Sirius had subsequently been cleared of all charges.

"Yeah…"

"Let's go," he ordered, yanking Draco to the portrait.

Stunned, the Slytherins followed.

Upon entering the Great Hall, Harry spotted his godfather, flew across the room, and leapt onto said godfather, in the space of roughly half a minute.

"SIRIUS!" Harry shouted, hugging said person. "What are you doing here?!"

"Dumebledore," cough, "summoned," gasp, "me. Merlin, Harry, I need to _breathe_!"

Blinking, Harry leant back, took in the somewhat blueish face, and, blushing, loosened his hold on his godfather.

"Oops, sorry, Siri," he mumbled, ignoring Severus's derisive snort.

"If only you had choked the mutt," Severus grumbled. "You'd've done the world a service, Potter."

"I thought that was to kill Voldie, Professor."

"No harm in adding another one."

"You're supposed to mention how killing me would break your heart now, Harry."

"I am?" teased Harry, still straddling Sirius's lap.

"Yep."

"Oh, I shan't."

"Harry, you break my heart!"

"Whatever."

"As amusing as this banter is," Draco drawled, "I'd rather you get off Black's lap, now, Harry."

Blushing again, Harry clambered off Sirius's lap, and returned to Draco's embrace.

"Jealous prat," he muttered, affectionately.

"As always." Draco then proceeded to kiss Harry breathless.

In front of the entire school.

Needless to say, many fainted.

All the fangirls were, and this is an understatement, disappointed that their crushes were unavailable. After this, many realised that the two were, apparently, quite hot together. They started squealing. (Hermione was among them. So was Ginny. And Pansy.)

Everyone else were, well, just shocked.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" yelled Ron, disrupting the kiss.

The fangirls, as one, turned and glared.

He ignored said glare.

Even if Hermione's did, well, just slightly scare him. It promised death. A painful death.

"Weasley," Draco drawled. "In case your brain has decided to malfunction – Ouch."

"Play nice," growled Harry, who had just slapped him.

"Fine. Only for you."

"Whipped," muttered Blaise. In the near silent hall, his whisper echoed. Sniggering was heard.

"I heard that." Blaise winced. All the sniggering instantly stopped. "And I am not. And, Weasley, Harry and I are dating."

Ron spluttered, before he calmed enough to glare at Harry. "And I didn't find out _before_, why?"

"Well, I, kinda…"

"What he means," Draco interrupted, "is that his Gryffindor courage, for some inexplicable reason, died in the face of telling you. This translates to Harry over-analysing everything, thereby worsening it, and subsequently cowering in fear of what he thought would be your reaction –that is, he thought you'd blow up and refuse to talk to him if he told you that we were dating."

Draco's glare promised Ron that he'd be cursed into his next life if he reacted as specified.

Harry, blushing, scowled at Draco, and then glanced at Ron nervously.

"It's fine," Ron grumbled, before straightening, and glaring at Draco, "Just, Malfoy? I promise you, hurt one hair on Harry's body, and I'll – I'll…Murder you, painfully. Then, I'll burn your body, scatter it to the winds, bring you back to life, and repeat everything."

The fangirls, as one, cooed and ahhed.

"It's impossible to bring someone to life after they've died, Weasley."

"I'll find a way." Ron's glare swore he would.

"I'm sure you will," Draco drawled. He glanced at Harry, smiled, kissed the boy once more, and let go of him. "See ya in class."

Nodding, Harry left him on the steps to the staff table, and instead joined his Gryffindor classmates, as a goofy grin spread across his face. As he filled his plate with his breakfast, he glanced at the Slytherin table, and grinned at Draco.

"You're dating Malfoy?" Ron demanded, staring at him.

"Yes. I am."

"Whoa! Good catch, Harry!" Seamus and Dean chorused. Harry rolled his eyes, before glaring at them.

"Mine," he snarled.

The fangirls, as one, swooned.

**A/N: There are so many Harry-And-Draco-Must-Get-Married-But-Don't-Like-Each-Other-But-End-Up-Falling-in-Love-Anyway stories. I had to do _something_ different!**

**Review, please, and tell me what you think of the change! (Reviews prompt me to post faster, and then you can find out how Sevvie, Minnie, Lucci, Siri and Albi react!)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chap Three

That night, just after dinner, Severus, Minerva, Sirius and Lucius once again met with Dumbledore in his office. All four had walked around with a stunned appearance for the entire day.

"My godson is dating your son," Sirius mumbled, staring at Lucius. "My godson is dating a Malfoy. A Black is dating a Malfoy. Oh…My…God." Sirius fell into a stunned heap, staring blankly at the wall in front of him.

"So, Minerva? What were you saying about them murdering each other within five minutes?" Lucius asked, a delighted, sadistic glint in his eyes.

"At this rate," Severus interrupted, with a drawl, "They'll be shagging each other senseless, not murdering each other. Of course, who knows, that might just kill them…Exhaustion, perhaps?" He directed a meaningful glare at Sirius who smirked.

"It'll be happy death, then. Many a guy's wanted to die that way."

"I'm sure."

"Boys, boys," Albus chortled, earning a glare from Minerva, "Oh, and girl."

Severus snorted. Minerva, whose patience had been tried and tested to its very limit, transfigured a quill into a large white plastic hand and used it to smack Severus about the head repeatedly. Everyone else sniggered as Severus let out an undignified yelp and attempted to dodge the 'Hand-of-Doom'.

"Enough!" Albus snapped. "As funny as that was, Minerva, we do have serious matters to discuss!"

"Yes, Albus," Minerva responded, allowing the hand to stop hitting Severus. She transfigured the hand back into a quill, suppressing a smirk when Severus, glaring at her, moved to a seat well away from Minerva, sitting, instead, next to Sirius, who smirked.

There was a knock on the door.

"Enter, my dear, wonderful, happy boys!"

"We ain't your boys, Headmaster," Harry grumbled. "Fortunately, too."

"Ah, but it does feel like it! I care for you and every other student in this school!"

"I would hope," drawled Draco, appearing behind Harry, their hands linked, "that you don't call the girls 'boys'."

"I most certainly don't! The last time I did do that, I got slapped, painfully."

"Girls are masters of the bitchslap, Headmaster."

"I know...All too well..."

By now, Harry had cheerfully greeted Sirius and Minerva, was staying well clear of Severus, and was glancing somewhat fearfully at Lucius.

Draco had, amusedly, noticed this.

"Father," he said, cordially, "my boyfriend, Harry Potter. Harry, my father, Lucius Malfoy."

The two greeted each other, respectfully, with a good deal of fear from Harry and amusement at Harry's nervousness from Lucius.

"Oh, and my godfather, Severus Snape. Sev, my boyfriend, Harry Potter."

"WHAT?!"

"Didn't you know?" Severus asked, with just a hint of sadistic delight... Ah, well, a good deal of sadistic delight...

"Er, no... Hello, I suppose."

"Hello." Severus's smirk was just that little bit merciless.

"And," Harry said, "Draco, my godfather, Sirius Black. Siri, my boyfriend, Draco Malfoy."

The two greeted each other politely.

"Oh, and Draco? Harm Harry, and I'll happily join Ron in punishing you." Similar to Severus, Sirius's smirk was also just that little bit merciless. Sirius paused, and then added, "As will the other Weasleys, and you do know that I've been helping Fred and George with their latest products, no?"

Sighing , Draco declared, "You are the twenty-second person to have said that today! Honestly! Don't people know that I know that I'd be murdered ... Not even that, I would be painfully slaughtered by just about every single wizard and witch alive today if I ever, for some illogical reason, hurt him?"

"Apparently not. Sit down." Draco sat next to his father, with Harry curled up in his lap.

Silence reigned in the room, until, frowning, Lucius turned to his son.

"When did you start dating Potter?

"Harry," muttered said boy. At Lucius's frown, he added, "You're my boyfriend's father. Might as well call me by my first name."

"Last year. He came to apologise about that Sectumspra, or whatever it is curse, and we kinda just started seeing more of each other, and then I took him out on date on the last Hogsmeade visit."

"You do realise that you two are about to be married, don't you?" asked Severus.

The two teens stared silently at Severus, before exclaiming, as one, "WHAT?!"

"_Albus."_Minerva growled, "You said you'd tell them." Minerva's expression was stern. Dumbledore actually looked abashed.

"Ah...I must've forgotten...Do explain this to them, will you, Minerva?"

With a sigh and a glare, before snatching the lemon drop bowl away from the Headmaster and ignoring his subsequent groan, Minerva proceeded to explain the marriage, how it came about, what it would do, and what would happen after it.

"Oh," Harry remarked, after she finished. "Right. Thanks, Headmaster."

"No problem, my boy!"

"Albus," Severus growled. "Did you _know_ they were dating?"

"Ah, um—" Albus smiled weakly, and cowered when Severus turned his You-Are-A-Fool Glare™ on him.

"Yes. We told him," Draco replied, for Albus. "I didn't know that Father had actually sided with the light, so … " He shrugged.

"That reminds me!" exclaimed Albus, suddenly, beaming. Every person in the room prepared for the worst. "Severus, Sirius, do you two want to get married?!"

"No."

"YES!"

"Shut it, mutt."

"Aw, c'mon," Sirius begged. He then had the nerve to, in front of his godson, godson's boyfriend, godson's boyfriend's father and his former Head of House, crawl onto his lover's lap, and beg said lover. Then he kissed said lover.

Harry fainted. So did Minerva. Albus whipped out his camera (handily confiscated from the Creevy brothers).

**A/N: And that, my dear friends, is the end. Do review.**


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